Why people give you shit and how you should handle it

Here is the thing. Everyone in society nowadays is giving you shit no matter what you do or who you are. Your boss at work might ask you to cover someone else's position while he and the absentee be chilling at home. Your roommate might ask you to close the lights or clean the floor while s/he is talking on their phone. Even the bureaucrat might ask you to wait for another hour or come the next week whereas s/he could clearly finish the task in a few seconds.

It doesn't matter what the situation is: everyone is giving you shit. And not because they dislike you or are planning your demise, no. On the course of the few last years, I came to realize that it's a mere game of power and some are addicted to it. It's like chess but the difference is that it's cloaked in social interaction, embellished with immaculate courtesy and dressed in soothing tones and beautiful smiles.

It is so subtle and invisible, that everyone falls for it. It is deeply rooted in our behaviour, as in ancient times it distinguished the leader from the follower and the strong from the weak. It is us and there is no running away from it. That is our nature and that is how we do things. When you give someone shit and that person complies, you get a sense of security and balance. That's why it's necessary.

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Let's clear up some fog before we delve deeper into the topic. What do I exactly mean by “people giving you shit”? I mean bothering you by requests they could do themselves or giving you a hard time for no particular reason. The latter can come in many different forms and shapes, intentionally and unientionally.

There is a difference between someone who's in dire need for help and is genuinely asking for it, and someone who just relishes seeing you doing the stuff for them. There is a difference between someone with whom you had history and they’re dissing you, and someone you’ve just met and is trying to make you feel uncomfortable. 

You didn’t do/say anything wrong, but they still give you shit, nonetheless.

You may wonder what’s the reason behind doing this? Or how “ in ancient times it distinguished the leader from the follower”? Here is my answer.

Giving shit to someone is an attempt to build authority over that someone. It is one subtle attempt to put one's psychological composure to the test and see if they’re confident enough or solid to take it in and not let it break them. Or better yet, see if they can flip it on their faces and come out triumphed.

There are always two opponents in this game: you and the individual who's giving you shit. What's at stake? The overall dominance of the interaction and the nature of the tone in future encounters.

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Shit is irrational. If you think about it, especially on the spot, you'll end up with a "Wait, what?" face because it comes so sudden with no unprecedented hints or warnings. It is so out of context sometimes that it puzzles us.

Let me establish a humble archetype of a shitty situation.

When someone is clearly able to do the request YET you complied, that shows that you have no confidence to stop him/her later on, that s/he can walk all over you and you'll just sit there looking at them while they're cleaning their shoes on you. Some people are so smart with this that they would start small and then gradually but steadily increase the intensity of their stinking shit until you can't handle it anymore. If you've played the game right up until that point, i.e holding your frame and staying calm, you'd finally break down and transgress the boundaries of respect, i.e fight with them. If you've been a f***-up from the beginning then congratulations. You've officially promoted yourself to his/her "Bitch". Now s/he can do/say whatever s/he wants and you can't do anything about it because s/he is already all over you.

In other words, s/he has established power over you little by little which eventually overwhelmed your whole existence altogether. So if you're in this situation, here is my first tip and advice:

LEAVE.

Vanish. Don't say a word, don't fight with them or do anything stupid. Appreciate the game, appreciate the winners, learn from your mistakes and bid them farewell.

That’s it. There is nothing worse than being stuck with someone who can play with you the way they like. You’re the only one who decides what happens with your boundaries and most importantly YOU’RE IN CONTROL.

So the question that raises itself is, how do you actually handle someone’s shit?

Here is the short answer: REJECT it.

Here’s the long answer:

When someone is giving you shit, always remember that they’re giving you a CHOICE. A choice to either ACCEPT or REJECT it. 

In the case of random requests that people give they can as well do themselves, simply smile and refuse. Give them a straight blatant, “No? I can’t do that, I’m afraid?”

Don’t tell them to get the job done themselves or whatever and most importantly, don't get emotional or angry. An important rule of the game is to ALWAYS STAY CALM (if you can't do this, try feigning it), because if you do get emotional, then they already know that they got you. Now they know your "buttons" and they can press them whenever they feel like in the future. Remember, it’s all about appearances.

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Humans are driven by the visual more than the abstract. One picture contains thousands of words. If you look at a picture of a cup of coffee, for example, you could instantly tell the place it was shot in, the type of coffee, whether it’s hot or cold depending on the steam coming from it….etc.

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Always APPEAR chill. Never get worked up over it. It was just some desperate shitty move from their part to put your frame to the test and you dodged it brilliantly. Smile it away and continue doing whatever you were doing like it never happened.

If someone is attacking you personally for no particular reason, then also ignore it. Don’t let it get through to you and take it personally. They don’t hate you. It’s just a game. They’re doing that because on a deep psychobiological level, they just want to have fun. When someone gives this type of shit, just look at them like “Wtf?” and move on. Let the shit fly for hours until it hits your radar.

They are looking for your ATTENTION, and your attention is way too precisious to be locked on their worthless asses. By doing this, they have already lost the battle before it even begins.

If they keep giving you shit constantly all the time, just always remember to not let it break you down. Because if you do, that's when you give them what they asked for.

I mean, of course, you can always accept their invitation to join the game lobby and start playing back and forth, You can always make them feel like shit by flipping the pressure on them at any moment and attack with your shit. But when you do that, you committed yourself to their pathetic game and they won’t stop until they finally get you or you get them. If you’re willing to play then have fun in there.

But I wouldn't really recommend that. Tried it once and some of them just don't get tired. Some of them been doing this for years and are really good at it so don't try to match them up. Just act like they don't exist and move on.

So moral of the story is:

People GIVE you shit, but it's your CHOICE to ACCEPT it or REJECT it. Put yourself in a position to say f*** it, f*** off, and f*** you.

I hope that made sense.